Hi everyone! Thank you for keeping up with us. In fact if YOU are keeping up with us, you may be doing better than WE are! Again, I’ve procrastinated in writing, hoping for good news to report…this ISN’T good news, I’m afraid.
I must preface this and give a little recap and possible explaination….Dr. Trautner, Mother’s psychiatrist, thinks that possibly what we’re going through with Mom is being caused by the medication that she is taking. To remind you of what’s happened… it’s highly likely that the OCD and bi-polar symptoms that Mom was suffering from was caused by the on-going acute insomnia that was CAUSED by the stroke. She began having unfounded fears and even some hallucinations. Her doctors began her on Serequel, which seemed to calm these disturbing thoughts. She still remembers everyone and is very functional, being able to play games and put together puzzles. We struggled as to where she should live to have the most positive chance of regaining her “self”. She landed at a lovely Assisted Living place in Montrose, Heidi’s Chataeu, where it was necessary to install a security system for them so we’d all be comfortable knowing that she wouldn’t accidentally walk away, like she did at Cross Roads. She has loved it there…possibly not joyful about her life, but active and settling into a comfortable setting, where she absolutely can make a difference for the people around her. She remained confused about reality much of the time and has continued to see Dr. Trautner, a very good psychiatrist, and every week of two, it’s been necessary to increase the levels of Serequel to squeltch the disturbing thoughts. But, NOW, we have a new problem.
Saturday afternoon, she was at our home, having a terribly hard time sitting down. She could possibly stay in one place for about 5 to 10 seconds…
She began screaming……I mean SCREAMING…blood-curdling Halloween kind of shrieking. I was just terrible. We were at my home and the kids were making cookies and getting all dressed up for the party. Mom had a friend that was visiting for a few minutes. Mom’s friend had to shed a tear or two. She said she couldn’t control herself. I told her if she screamed, I’d have to scream, too. And so, there in my kitchen, my mother and I screamed face to face with each other…to the top of our lungs. It was just awful. She said that she’d do it, again, and I told her that we’d all have to scream if she screamed. Stefi was mortified and holding her ears and Niki was stunned and motionless at the stove. They have not been able to get Grandma’s scream out of their heads and I don’t blame them. It’s been hard for ME too. Looking at the frightened looks on their faces and me ready to scream, again, caused her to stop and I had hoped that it was a one time event and that she just needed to blow off steam or something. But, God isn’t ready to put an end to this, yet. I guess we all must still be learning something….I keep saying that I’m a fast study, so we really don’t need to linger on these things….**trying to find a little humor in a horrible moment***
The past two days have been very trying. She has been screaming every hour or two, even through the night. Dr. Trautner prescribed something that she thought would control it, yesterday. But, Frank, from Heidi’s called and asked us to remove her from their facility until we can assure him that she won’t be screaming anymore. This isn’t something that Mom is doing on purpose. You can see in her eyes that this is real for her and she’s frightened, saddened, confused and angered by it….the same as we ALL are.
She’ll be here in our home until further notice…I don’t know exactly how to protect the girls from this experience. I can’t take Mom to a Hotel, with her screaming. I can possibly find someone who can stay with her here at the house and then WE could stay someplace else. The girls will probably spend the night at some friend’s houses, at least tonight. I know it sounds greedy, but, we so desperately need and appreciate your prayers, again.
I told my brother and sister this morning that I needed to call upon our Kleinsorge compulsive and persistent nature…..and then I wondered that if it’s really possible to be BOTH compulsive AND persistent. Hmmmm
Love to you all….hugs, Mary