I have a terrible cold and can’t sleep tonight. And I’m performing at a beautiful place on the water on Monday evening. I broke down and started a short round of prednizone today and I’m sure that’s why I can’t sleep. ugh…It better allow for singing on Monday. As a chiropractor I’m embarrassed by this admission. It’s such a poor choice overall for my health. But, I’ve had this happen before, where I’ve let a bad cold go on too long and then I begin the wheezing and before long I’m sitting in some office where they are telling me the only way to get over it is to take some of this garbage…..SO, here I am writing to you at 3:00 AM.
Scott Bennett , who has been helping to record some bass and percussion on my Spanish songs just sent me another one. He’s doing a lovely job. But, I listened to “El Pastor” and am not happy with MY performance. The studio that I recorded in didn’t lead me to free-flowing latin performances that were in my head and instead I sound stiff and less feeling than usual. Choosing the right studio is a subject for another blog.
You know one of the reasons that I have always been obsessed with finishing a project is that it’s kind of slice out of my musical life, kind of a diary of where I am on any particular musical trip I’m on. I’m working with Miguel de Hoyos again, the guitarist in Mexico and of course I’m hearing all sorts of nuances and subtle changes that I’d like to hear in my OWN performances that recording with Ken just didn’t encourage. If I don’t finish a project quickly, I’m realizing I may never finish it at ALL!!! I’ll never be satisfied if I give myself too much time to listen, if I’m continuing to learn and grow along the way. And if you listen to THAT little devil of perfection in yourself, you’d only record a final take during the last month of your LIFE! What kind of chronicle would THAT be?! So, I have to put my critical urgencies aside and let these songs take shape and find some comfort in finishing them.
I’m writing like a mad woman, though. Pretty soon I’ll be looking like one of those crazy hermits with no social value other than my contribution to the sea of writings that people may never notice until I’m dead and gone…At least I HOPE they’ll notice them then. I’ve written 6 instrumental compositions in the past 5 weeks. And when I say written, I mean…4 of them are actually in full notation in the computer and the last two are companion pieces that I need to work on a while before writing down. I figure that each song has take me about an average of 20 hours of very concentrated work to write and to put into tablature(2000 miles in the truck on the way down helped). Then Craig, my husband, is helping to transfer the notation from the tab and help me figure out the time signatures, keys and actual timing of the notes. It’s been quite a task and I’m a little exhausted by it. I wanted to write 10 during this 10 weeks. It’s a tribute collection that my heart has insisted I write for my dear friend James Smith, who died in September. But, I think I’m going to have to take a break from my compulsive writing or I’ll kill myself like Mozart…I can honestly see how a musician could do that to themselves. Tonight, when I woke up at 12:30 after having been asleep for 2 hours, I had FOUR songs running around in my head at the same time. I was tapping out the timing of one very difficult triplet section where the rain starts falling at the end of a thunderstorm that has been making its way across the mountains and now the rain has arrived and it’s going to stop the booming of the distant thunder. I was actually thumping the mattress and counting out loud when I woke up! So, I tried a many times over the past two hours to empty my mind so I could go back to sleep and it just wouldn’t happen. Breathe in(count 4), hold the breath(count 4), breathe counting 8…*sigh*, again… The next thing I knew, my brain was off on another song with the fingers in my head flying over the frets, trying different fingerings…
My hope is that by sharing this with you, I’ll be able to go back to bed..and SLEEP. I’ve written much more than intended, which happens to me in most conversations. Hopefully, you’re not too tired of my chatter.
‘night, or I should say….good MORNING to you!