My visit with Mother at Haven Behavioral Senior Care

I wish that I could say that we are completely impressed with the place we’ve had to leave Mother.  The good news is that I believe that she is safe and the immediate need to act, the feeling of emergency has somewhat passed.  It it is yet to be seen if Haven Behavioral Senior Care can help her or not.  I’ve had a terrible time getting timely or consistent communication from them.  To get a treatment plan, a nurse copied one for me, stating that she might get into trouble, but she believed that I deserved the information.  After nearly a week and a 5 page fax to the administrator documenting the efforts that we’ve made trying to obtain information on her care, I finally spoke with Dr. Rogers, her treating doctor, today.  The message  she left on my voice mail was that Mother was much better and she thought she’d be sending her home in a few days…..????  After No communication at all, this was the first message that I received?  I think I may be the one to begin screaming, now!

Understand that I went over to visit Mom, this weekend.  The visiting schedule is an hour each day from 6:30 to 7:30 and on Sundays you get TWO hours! from 2:30 t 3:30 and then again in the evening.  I saw Mom on Saturday evening and frankly I was happy with what I saw.  I set my frustrations with trying to get information from them aside and simply enjoyed our time, together.  I could finally breathe!

I took my guitar and she sluggishly sang with me, “The Old Rugged Cross”, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, and John Denver’s “Annie’s Song”, all her favorites.   She talked of miracles from God and what she might be able to do with her life to make a difference for others.  THIS sounded like my dear mother, the fighter, the positive survivor.  The nurses were kind, knowing that I had driven 5 hours to see her and sat in the lobby for 2 hours before my hour visit with her.  I was not interfering with their duties and they allowed me to stay an extra hour.  I helped get her ready for bed and tenderly tucked her into bed.

But, before getting into bed, she rummaged around in her clothing bins and pulled out a fluffy robe.  As she shuffled to her bed,  I thought for a moment that she dropped the robe.  But, instead, she had purposely let it fall to the floor.  Mother struggled to her knees, next to the bed and began to pray.  I knelt at the other side and held her hands.  They were softly clinched like a child saying her prayers.  With heads bowed, I prayed like never before.  I prayed to the tips of my toes and felt it through every fiber of my being.  She wanted to say an entire rosary but  couldn’t remember all of the mysteries.  But, we prayed and I wept tears of joy, inside of my chest.  It was beautiful and something well worth the 5 hour drive, the two hour wait and the hotel room to follow.  At Mother’s lead, we prayed for purpose,  a reason to live, for some sense of a miracle that God could give.  She needed to feel worthy of God’s miracle, some reason that he might have mercy and save her from her terrible thoughts and the “insanity” that she believes has taken her over.

I saw her again on Sunday.  She had screamed twice in the night and three times in the hour just before I arrived.  She was extremely drugged, frothy drool formed at the corners of her half opened mouth and she could barely keep her eyes open.  She didn’t close her mouth, even when speaking.  The corners of her mouth were very rough and sore and I got her some Vaseline to moisturize it.  She was so happy to see me, but slept most of my hour away, as she sat in the chair.   She still has unfounded fears and was very sad when I was asked to leave…They had opened the doors 15 minutes late for all of our visits and then were me to leave at 3:30.  She stayed willingly, but my heart broke as I walked down the hall.

An aching heart issue—-I spoke to a nurse about finding someone to pray with Mom.  I was told that prayer or any mention of God is a big taboo at the hospital.  They can get into lots of trouble for sharing their faith with someone.  Mother is such a faithful and praying person and she is like a child, needing guidance and confirmation that she has lead a good and Godly life, that God accepts her the way she is and has forgiven her for her humanity.  Tomorrow, I’ll get on the phone to surrounding churches and see if I can find someone to do a visitation ministry for her.  It kills me to know that I can’t be there to pray with her every night…Oh God, it feels a little like when I was waiting for each of the girls, knowing that they were someplace in China with no one to hold them and make them feel safe and loved.  That’s the familiar hole-in-my-chest feeling that I’m experiencing, now, I think.  The treatment plan that the nurse copied for me clearly states that they wanted Mom to be free from screaming for a 5 day period before they would send her home.  It hasn’t been 24 hours and Mother’s treating doctor is saying that she may be discharged mid-week?  I tried to talk with her about it and hit a wall.  She doesn’t know Mom very well and has the impression that she has late-stage diminsia, which sometimes manifests itself in screaming.  Not knowing how bright she was just 1O to 12 weeks, ago, she thinks that she’s doing pretty well…I have more decisions to make…

I am weary of the fight.  But, here  I am, once again and I will ask for God’s Armour and strength.  It’s yet another fight for reasonable attention and care for the mother that I love so much.  God DOES perform miracles, every day.  Even Mom, with her difficulties right now can tell you that.  I’m banking on, yet another one or the strength to deal with what’s to come.   And come to think of miracles, the prayer that my dear mother and I shared across her bed at the hospital was a good example of one of God’s little, or not SO little miracles.  Thank you, God for that moment in time.  I shall remember it, always.