Emily, Bill’s daughter, my niece and Grandma’s grand daughter has been here for the past couple of nights. It’s been wonderful having her here. She unfortunately leaves tomorrow. We’ve loved getting to know her and sharing this experience with her. She’s a loving and perceptive young woman with a big heart. She is beautiful, inside and out. I’m afraid that we haven’t taken many pictures while she was here and I’ll try to take some, tomorrow.
Mom remembers Emily and responds very positively to her. I’m so relieved. It’s almost like she’s taken ME in as part of her own persona and doesn’t mention me or miss me. When I’m not around, she speaks of everyone but me. From the way she’s acting this morning, I don’t think we’ll have a choice of having her live with us anymore. ..at least not anytime soon. She’s sitting on the front porch because she is visibly terrified to come into this house and says that she doesn’t have an apartment of her own here. At first she said that she doesn’t know why she’s so afraid, just that she is………Then later, she said that she felt Satan’s presence, here. There is usually a way to understand the odd thoughts that people have. I’m wondering if she had to turn THIS place into a monsterous place to be able to deal with having to go to Cross Roads while I had the surgery…You know, the way that people who leave a job have to turn the boss or the work they are doing into a terrible thing to be able to move on. I gives her no choice of whether to go to Cross Roads, if the devil is living in her old place…
She and Emily played bingo yesterday and had a nice afternoon, together at Cross Roads. I’m not very happy with the level of attention they are giving her. They are charging me and extra $800 per month for extra level of care. I think that maybe I need to pay for a lesser level of care and let Annette go over to provide the things that we know that she needs. With the surgery on Friday and seeing my patients and all the rest, I’m finding it hard to find the time to deal with it all. But, financially, I have to work.
When I went in the first night to check on her she was lost in the hallway and the lady in charge, who is a patient of mine, was telling me how much Mom was going to love it because she has complete freedom….even if she wanted to walk outside and down the street! she could do so! I informed her that she needed to watch Mom and if she went out the door she needed to get her back inside! Then, this morning, I went in and found that she didn’t have on a bra, her leg brace, or her hearing aids, hadn’t combed her hair and the lady in the breakfast room said that it wasn’t their job to encourage people to eat, only to place the food in front of them. So, she hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast or for dinner last night and no one gave her an ensure to offset that. No one knew if she had had…………
Well, in the middle of this message, I had to run out and catch Mom as she was taking off down the road. She says that she’s afraid of the house and didn’t know what else to do. It’s suspected that she had a subsequent stroke and Annette and Emily are taking her to Montrose for an MRI, in a bit. She’s sitting on the porch and seems to be OK with that. I’m doubtful that she’ll be able to deal with the MRI tube and that’s why I’m sending Annette and Emily. She seems to be pretty good with them and very agitated with me since she gets very upset that I don’t believe her completely….
UGH….
If you know Mom, please come to visit. Seeing you will make a difference. She is such a social person. Just be prepared for some funny conversations along the way. All of the caregivers and psycologists DO see a kernel of truth in all delusions and in some ways I understand what she’s doing. She began feeling so guilty that I was doing so much that I think she put herself in a state that I couldn’t handle anymore. I kept saying, as long as you know me….as long as your mind is so bright…I will take care of you…….and NOW I hear those words haunting me and it kind of makes me sick…
If you come to visit her, you’ll never forget it and will be happy that you made it. I wouldn’t take back one minute of the past 4 months. Many people have mentioned to me that if they had one more day with their dead parents, as long as they knew them, that they would be so happy. Even with her sad and delusional thoughts, she has been our mom in all of it and has been a joy to take care of.
I love you for caring and appreciate your continued prayers. I AM a little tired.
Hugs, Mary