Wires attached to my chest lead to a little black monitor worn on by belt. I woke up short of breath and feeling my heart pounding as if trying to leave my chest at about 1:30 this morning. I stood up several times trying to catch my breath and walked to the window to see the most beautiful full moon that God placed in the sky to calm my fears. As I look at the moon, I was able to catch a cleansing breath and I closed my eyes with a smile to thank God. I’ve been thanking Him a LOT these days, every time a breath is simply satisfying. I didn’t push the button to let them(the people in Texas that watch their screens) know that I was noticing something. It seems that I’m pushing that thing every time I turn around and I thought I might be dreaming that it was a problem and it really wasn’t. I laid my head back down. Then, the alarm at my waist began screaming. It woke Stefi who was sleeping on my floor and she was scared. I told her some wire must have come loose and they were letting me know and she went back to sleep. Craig didn’t notice. I stepped into the bathroom and tried to figure this contraption out and noticed that they were recording some sort of event that I must have been having in my sleep. Without my faith in God, this little journey in my life would be such a frightening one. But, I know that His hand is on my heart, just like my song says.
When someone tells you that you have something like Pulmonary Hypertension, the first reaction after finding out how serious it can be is to be in kind of a depression laced with shock. I felt a little like running away at first. Please let something like this lead you closer to God and to all the things that are most important to you in this life. The value judgement of “Don’t Live It Until You Have To” has been ingrained in my person philosophy for many years and this experience is no different than any other crisis that I’ve faced. I DO want to be responsible and follow through on collecting information and self access my lifestyle in an honest way. But, if pulmonary pressure isn’t considered more than moderate at this point, remember that there may be other reasons for your symptoms.
In searching for a reason for the increased pressure, the dye enhanced CT scan of my lungs was normal for my age. YAY!!! The causes of increased pressure that could come from lung involvement are mostly extremely serious with resulting treatment that isn’t something I’d want to undergo without absolutely having to. My most recent God-Blessed-good-news came from a new cardiologist that I saw this past week. Dr. Howell’s opinion is that the earlier doctors have possibly put the cart before the horse. His theory is that the tachycardia that was picked up following the stress echocardiogram may be an indication of arrhythmias that may be causing the exhaustion and shortness of breath and other symptoms and NOT the PH. After looking at the ECGs and the stress echo, he gave me such good news that really no one had shared with me previously. He said that my heart is strong with no evidence of blockages or damage, yet at all. Aside from this flippity thing that it’s doing, which is more commonly a nuisance instead of life threatening, he sees me as very healthy. I’ve always been proud of living a healthy life, keeping my stresses reasonable, turning them over to God, no smoking, no drugs, no TERRIBLE eating habits(although, I am a rancher’s daughter, however, as you know!:o).
To flush out this arrhythmia, I’ve been wearing a monitor for the past week, 24 hours a day. The good news is that they keep seeing that my heart rate races to over 160 beats per minute several times a day. Can’t believe that I’m actually stating this as good news. But, bad new can be GOOD news if seen relative to even WORSE news! :o) I’m tired….beyond tired. So exhausted I can’t raise my arms off the arm rests, if stated honestly. But, I’m so praying that this is the problem and NOT the PH. At least there are options for this diagnosis.
Thank you for your prayers and I’ll keep you posted as this progresses.
In His love……Mary