Beautiful Baja Blues

Hi!  Can’t believe that I’ve had all of this alone time, her in Los Barriles and haven’t been writing to you……Maybe it’s because I’ve been learning something about myself and my music. ….

You know, I ache for unlimited time to spend on my music.  Not to take away from the truly most important things in my life…my beautiful daughters and the love that I share with family……but,  just that I don’t seem to EVER have time to just play—–unbridled—uninterrupted—-free to the write or play to the inspiration—Anyway, I’ve had that this past week for the most part.  And I’ve used the time to hone technique and learn some new things.  But, I tend to be so multi-task based that I can never just be learning ONE song at a time!  I’ve got at least three going at the same time and often MORE.  This way, if I feel burned out on one song that I may have spent an hour on, I feel very fresh in beginning to work on another.  And before you know it, 4 hours has gone by and I don’t even NOTICE!

The thing, though, that I’m learning about myself and my music is that I’m afraid that with my compulsive nature……..my music is somewhat of……sigh.. an addiction for me…..THERE, I said it!  When left to my own schedule and choices, I don’t feel well unless  I have my guitar in my hands or am thinking in a very focused way trying to remember the words of some new found treasure that I either mined from within my soul or am inspired to learn………..I remember a life, earlier, traveling with my music….performing 4 hour a day and 6 days a week……before becoming a doctor….before family……and I recall feeling so out of place, where ever I was.  Playing so many hours to crowds every day, I remember sleeping the day away and hiding in my room to save my voice for the evenings.  But, I think that part of that was that I didn’t feel right when I wasn’t playing and I could only play so many hours each day and keep my voice.  So, I would sit aimlessly in my room.  Socially, it was always a little awkward and my guitar was a wonderful drug to find safe harbour in.  Who knows, maybe that’s why some artists DO find actual drugs.  Goodness knows that I was given the opportunity and thankfully was never moved to, and often ran from, that end.

This is interesting……..something that I never thought of before.  But, I’m feeling out of sorts, alone, playing for hours at a time…….as I so often ache to do…….But, unfulfilled personally and longing for the arms of my daughters and their laughter and love.  Thank God that he has led me down other purposeful paths in my life …………………and that music, though it is so important to me, for my existence, for my ultimate  happiness and is a truly wonderful and appreciated gift……….it is NOT the most important thing in my life, by far.

I’m having friends over for dinner tonight and we will laugh and talk and eat my yummy ribs and rice by the Sea with a lovely glass of wine.  And I WON’T play my guitar for them.  I will just enjoy their company and fellowship.

Wish you were here.

Mary