Well, I’ve been in Mexico for my regular trip, this weekend. The flight out of Los Cabos was delayed 3 hours, so I missed my flight from Phoenix to Grand Junction. I got a good night sleep in the Fiesta Resort near the Phoenix Airport, though and am now flying above the desolate ground between Phoenix and home…. ***sigh*** I really would like to say that I used the time to write something new and wonderful. That disappoints me a little in myself………..But, there was little time for the personal struggle on the guitar that is necessary for new sounds. I usually can find a positive reason for whatever little peril has happened me and can justify it by smugly accepting that I am probably better off for its happening………….Hmmmmmmm..I’m having a harder time than usual with that angle, this morning, I’m afraid.
I did meet some nice and interesting people along the way…..and who knows……maybe I inspired some young person to find a wonderful peacefulness in his guitar and …….because of this new-found love for his music…….he WON”T blow up some building or something……WHO knows……..**chuckle*** Now THERE’S the Mary that I can usually count on to step in a win the little battle!
I do try NOT to share too much of my depressed self with you…….the truth is, though, that I DO fight a little depression that very few people are aware of. The success of My life is structured such that looking or acting sad is just counter productive. I wouldn’t be very effective as a mother, as a doctor, or as a performer, if I was held out as someone who fights depression…….But, I REALLY think that it’s the common struggle and so should be seen as the NORM….NOT the disfuctional person who struggles with bouts of depression. So many creative people have claimed depression and that even depression has been a spring-board for many successful businesses and accomplishments……It’s the dragging yourself out of the depts that sometimes throws you high into the sky, to shine like no-one else and like never before!
……All in all, I feel that depression is a little battle that I fight from time to time, mostly first thing in the morning……..and that I don’t see it as one big battle, but as a lot of little battles that sometimes string together……….and I fight them and WIN each one……ONE at a time……..I laugh at the fact that there WAS a time a few years ago that I was given a bottle of Prozac by a doctor and was URGED to use it………..So, I took the bottle out three times each day………stared at the pills……..said a little prayer and focused on whether I wanted to be taking them or NOT………..**chuckle*** I kept that bottle of pills for several years before I finally threw them aWAY!!!
Anyway, for some reason I guess I wanted to share with you that I am NOT super-human, as some people claim….In fact, knowing that people describe me this way, though it makes me proud……it ALSO makes me think that maybe I’ve created a monster………a monster that I can’t keep up with or keep fed………..I don’t know…………..
I used to write sad beautiful songs when I was depressed…. …. ……..then I learned that singing them just made me sad, again, and I wasn’t sure that I did anyone any favors by sharing it with them……..even if it WAS a piece of beauty……………..So, as the years have gone by, my music has lightened up. I’m more likely to write touching songs of sentiment than a Woe-Is-ME song…….and the tempo of my songs is picking up, as I’m beginning to slow down, I think……..I’ve found that if I do with my writing……what I did at the top of this entry…….turn a little sad or disgruntled thought into a joyous though……….THEN I feel wonderful after having done so……TRIUMPHANT in the battle of the moment…………..and it’s a wonderful support to the victory over the battle when I share it with people and I can think to myself and remember what it actually came from………………….I just realized that this perfectly describes how “Thank God for Small Things” came from! I described that in my earlier blog about that song.
Thank YOU for reading and I hope that my writing helps you to think about your life is a positive way……to realize that YOU are in charge of yourself and how you feel and react to adversity. I hope that my music will inspire you and make a difference………….for why ELSE would I be so moved to do it…………….really…..why ELSE?……….That’s another subject for another day, I suppose……………………………………. Hasta, my Amigos………Mary