Hi again,
I played at a variety show in Ridgeway, last night. There is a theater, there, run by Andras and Shannon, called The Sherbino(hopefully, I spelled that correctly). It’s a wonderful, warm and loving place and it was the perfect place for sharing my music with an accepting audience. It was a celebration for Andras’ 65th birthday and everyone was in a festive and welcoming spirit. Andras got a new trumpet for his birthday and you can tell that music is a part of he and Shannon’s heart.
At the Sherbino, you could hear a pin drop while I sang and played my 4 pieces and people said such nice things when I was finished. It made me happy that I’ve been moved to spend so much time on my music. There was a man named Will who played a variety of traditional Native American flutes. He offers to teach anyone how to use one and says that they are easy to play. So, I may try to learn to play one…………in my spare time, of course….*ha,Ha*** That would be an interesting sound to add to what I do. I love all types of music.
I’m packing for my trip tomorrow and playing music between. No one knows, really, how much time it ACTUALLY takes to be exceptionally good at what you do, musically. Maybe I’m just slow. :oD …….but, I think I could play 8 hours every day and STILL not reach the level of perfection that I’d like to hear from my heart, voice and fingers. I played 5 to 6 hours, yesterday and my hands and arms are aching………but, it’s a good ache, really. But, that’s one of the reasons that I’m not playing constant, today. A little time between is probably good for me to harden into the fact that I have some time to spend this next couple of weeks. The ends of my fingers are a little raw and numb and the rough calluses are lined with black, as if sketched by a pencil, where the strings have left their musical memory. I look down at my hands and am reminded, like the fragrance or momento left by a special lover, and I smile…………….OK, so I’m getting a little carried away….I guess you know that I’m in love with my guitar, Roberto Rameriz, by now……..
But, the effort and time makes a difference. The songs that I so compulsively played, yesterday……over and over….strings of notes dissected…..phrases listened to carefully……..searching for new ways to say what I want you to hear………These songs are more a part of me, now………more automatic and able to be manipulated into the expression that I hear in my head……….the expression that I want everyone….YOU…to hear. This gift inside my head, inside of my heart, is so precious and sometimes I feel a sadness that I may not be worthy or able to truly share it with you….the way that it is meant to be…because it’s so clear to me, but explaining it…..playing it……transforming it into something understandable………..comparable to what I hear………It seems like a huge responsibility….a message, of sorts, that was placed in my hands to correctly decipher and deliver to YOU………………Well, I don’t know why it’s there…….but, for some reason, I know that I’m supposed to share it and that it’s not meant to be just some crazy obsession for me to spend my own selfish time on. Special gifts were meant to be shared and I’m still, after all of these years, trying to figure out HOW and WHERE exactly that was meant to be done………It appears that I wasn’t meant to become rich, financially, from sharing this gift……Have I or WILL I touch someone’s life with it, possibly even someone I’ll never know or realize is listening……and THAT’s the entire purpose for all of these years and hours of striving?????…….Anyway, I may never know, but I’ll keep on moving forward………….
So, I leave for Mexico, tomorrow and I expect……unless my hands rebel….I’ll be able to spend at least 4 or 5 hours each day playing and perfecting what I want to record. I don’t usually have the luxury of time coupled with the inspiration. So, I’m looking forward to working on many works while I’m away.
Thank you for reading, again. It makes me feel like I have someone to share all of this with and I’m not so alone in the fog of it all.
Mary