What’s missing for our elder care is the same thing missing from today’s healthcare!

LOVE is the missing link!

I’ve thought a lot about why Mother’s residency at Heidi’s hasn’t been a complete success. I researched all of the local homes, visited many, even had Mother in three different homes before settling on Heidi’s. The owner is approachable, agreeable with special needs and even seems to act with love as part of the motivation. But HIS hands and heart are not the ones actually providing the care. That care is being provided by CNAs and nurses who have been educated in the mediocre philosophy of today’s healthcare. My personal opinion is that the common professional philosophy taught today and our society’s accepted motivation for working are not based on love and this is the primary problem with the healthcare and elder care in this nation right now. That’s why I call it mediocre. What is ANYTHING, if not done with love?  If CNAs begin with love in their hearts, twelve hour shifts taking care of too many needy people will strip you of that flaw. And this idea that there is no good place to honestly have attention, loving attention when our older people have begun to fail just makes me ache inside. There are places and people to take care of feeding and cleaning up your messes and occasionally keeping you aimed in the right direction. But, what would happen to a child who was simply cared for in the lowest level needed to sustain life? We already know. We’ve all seen the studies on orphanages with little help and loving man power. You have a stunting of emotional and mental health. But no one jumps to sedate a child like we do our elderly. It infuriates me that nearly every time Mother has faltered, the first suggestion is some sort of sedation!

What she needs is loving attention. Doctors and nurses who should know have warned me about the bonding that needs to happen when someone goes to assisted living. Taking them out even for dinner and definitely over night can make them NOT bond with the facility they have moved into. Well, I’ve thought a lot about this and bonding is for people who love you. Bonding is earned. Please don’t misunderstand, I think that Mother is in the very best place available. But they have had two years to bond with her and frankly, at least for Mom, the bonding there is not an issue. One doctor told me that she would be confused if I brought her home and tried to go back and forth. So far over the past three weeks, she has been a wonderful resident at home, getting up only twice each night. As for Heidi’s, well, she’s not doing more poorly that she had before this venture.

There are issues with her medication that I still have to have energy to address. But for now, we’ll just proceed with God’s love in our hearts that will guide our actions.

As your parent gets older, please think creatively and about a way to make them feel loved as they begin to fail. Think of the hours they spent holding and loving you as a child and imagine the satisfaction of that full circle. It doesn’t have to consume your life. Make loving decisions to be kind to yourself and to them in making these decisions.

Keep love at the front and behind everything…