Monitoring Mom

I haven’t written in Mom’s blog in a while.  *sigh*  I really have to catch up.  I just got really overwhelmed and exhausted.  But, I have at least been treading water.  Mom’s doing better, but not as well as I hope for in the future.  We continue to have ideas to push her further towards independence.  An example is what we have worked hard to accomplish with her as a volunteer.  She is going to start visiting people who need visitors at the Delta County Memorial Hospital on Monday.  I’m so proud of her wanting to continue to make a difference where she can.  It just takes so much time and thought to keep moving forward and not just accept the status.  If we had accepted the given status at almost any junture of this journey, we wouldn’t have afforded Mom what she is deserving of.  She spent so many hours of HER earlier life being sure that I have the opportunities that have made my life a success.  Now, it’s MY turn to repay the gift that she gave me.

The best news really is that she’s not in daily crisis anymore.  She is having a new and different life than she had prior to her stroke.  But, she has friends and activities and sets goals for herself that she can attain.  We spent time in the pool on Wednesday for the first time in months and she did really great, save the sudden onset of exhaustion.  She has no immediate crisis.  Thank God!…..except for the call yesterday when she was upset because one of the ladies at Heidi’s called her a liar and another threw a scrabble piece at her and refused to keep playing scrabble with her anymore.  **chuckle**  It’s a bit like having a middle scholar to watch over, now!   She and I agreed that she’d knock on the scrabble friend’s door and apologize and that being right doesn’t matter as much as being happy……It’s interesting how the lessons she taught ME are NOW the lessons that I’m feeding back to HER…

Thank Goodness she taught me WELL!

Hello everyone.  Please forgive me for having taken so long to write again.  I guess there’s been more time for doing and less for reflection.  March 29th was Mom’s birthday.  She’d still love to hear from you, if you ever find the time.  970-275-5534 is her number, and she usually has her phone close by.  She still is hungry for that loving fire of friendship that she has tended for so many years.  I’ve seen her.  She’ll get bored and whip out her phone and work her way through the contacts until she finds someone that she hasn’t spoken to in a while.  She can dial her phone now and it’s given her great freedom.  Cards and letters are good, too.  But, if you send one, you should send your  phone number so she can call you back sometime.  She’s not as good at keeping track of the notes and returning the writing.  2720 Sunnyside Road, Montrose, CO 81401 is the address at Heidi’s Chateau, where Mom lives now.

Ilene was here for a couple of days, and it was so lifting for everyone.  Stefi’s 9th birthday was Friday, and we ate ribs and laughed a lot.  She got a red wagon that she has eyed for months from Clubb’s Ben Franklin store in Delta.  It’s a great wish store.  We celebrated Mom’s birthday at the Stone House in Montrose on Saturday evening.  It was a nice time, too.  Mom spent Sunday with us and I took her to the doctor on Monday.  She didn’t seem to mind that the celebrations were basically over with before her birthday actually made it.

Dena is doing much better, taking care of herself more…thinking more clearly. She gets some facts jumbled a bit, but, not enough to hamper her ability to thrive.  Prayers need to be directed specifically for her joy and happiness.  Finding purpose in later years is a challenge.  No one wants to be a burden but a benefit to those around them.  We’re thinking about some ways to help her to do feel useful and to keep her laughing.  I’ll write more about that later and promise to write more often, now that I’m back in the saddle, again.

I love you all for caring and for reading.  Hugs from here,

Mary

With the snow coming down and the brisk air outside, I could have easily justified staying in and NOT going to church.  I’m sure that God would have understood.  After all, I’m getting ready for our l-o-n-g trip to Mexico, trying to catch up the office paperwork, packing food, crafts and more to make life sweet while we’re away.  Even the Methodist minister, Roy Trueblood, had told me earlier this week that he didn’t expect to see me in church on Sunday, given all that I had to do.

Mother was on her way.  I had sent a ride for her so that she could spend some time today with us.  Maybe we could just stay in and do our nails or read to each other or …Once I saw her, I knew that I needed to take her to church.   She made her hobbling way to the car and then up the steps of the church.  I sighed, somehow wishing that I was still in my jammies and drinking tea in my kitchen.  But, then the bells chimed outside the church and I noticed how beautiful they sang.

The service was long, but I kept Mom on track, pointing at the words for the prayers and for the songs that we were singing.  The bell choir played two lovely solos and the vocal choir was keyed up, as well.  When time for communion came they told me that they could bring it to Mother so she didn’t have to walk to the front.  But, I know Mother, and it was important for her to make the painful effort, the effort to receive Jesus into her heart…then a dip of the bread in the juice and a crossing of herself proudly in front of the minister.

I was pressed not to tear up when I took MY communion still hanging onto her hand as she was walking away.  And then we made it back to the pew.  There was a woman singing a beautiful rendition of “Love Lifted Me”.  To my surprise, Mother began singing along as the other parishoners walked to the front to take communion.  She knew every word and EVERY word was important to her.  She would sing a line, “When nothing else would do…” then she’d look over to me and say, “Listen!  It REALLY did!” and then she’d continue singing…”LOVE LIFTED ME!”  I cried.

Music can remind me of so many things.  It can move me like nothing else, sometimes.  There can be a grand sermon, a wonderful bible reading and sometimes, just sometimes…it’s the song that drives the message home to my heart.  Love truly lived me, today and again, I thank God for having a moment with Mother.

We met our friends Jeanne and John Precup for lunch at the Ocean Pearl in Delta and ate too much Chinese food, as usual.  It was a lovely day and that was even before the football game even STARTED!

I feel so blessed that I drug myself to church and that once there,    love    lifted    me .

There are so many things to consider when watching out over some one’s care.  I don’t know how everyone else does it.  I can hardly do it well, myself and I have some medical background to draw from!  How much it TOO much attention?  How much is too little.

I’ve been deliberately backing off, spend less time with Mom, knowing that we are leaving for Mexico next week for our 4 week stay.  I didn’t want her to feel abandoned.  But, in my neglect, I didn’t realize that no one was really watching to see if her toes were being cared for.  I realized yesterday that no one had cut her toe nails since November…since November!  It made me just sick with regret.  I hadn’t even thought to make her take her shoes off so I could look, when we were spending our time together.  Her nails had grown so that some were pulling away from the nail bed, pointing up and some were growing around the end of her toes.  I soaked her feet and bandaged the weeping and bleeding  nail beds and held back my own grief over what could have turned into a serious problem.  Hopefully, if I am very attentive over the next few days, no doctor will have to remove her big toe nail completely to fix the damage that has been done.  I saw her again today and unfortunately the nails weren’t the worst of her problem.

The nails looked 80% better as I unbandaged them this afternoon.  She soaked in salt water and as I packed the anti-biotic under the loose nail I noticed how bruised the side of her foot was.  She was is obvious pain with every movement of her foot.   I had expected there to have been relief from what I had done yesterday.  As I moved her foot more, I could see that it was excruciatingly painful for her.  Annette encouraged me when I thought that we should get an x-ray and within the hour the doctor had ordered the x-ray and confirmed what I had been fearing.

Because of the pain in her big toe, she had shifted her weight to the outside of her foot which led to a stress fracture of the 5th metatarsal on her left foot…

She is walking with a boot, now, and I pray that it doesn’t discourage her too much.  She’s been through so much and has been so positive, really.  She is such an inspiration to me.   Watching her go through all of this, I’ve had to fight that weary drag.  But, she is a beacon whose light continues to shine.  We just have to keep praying that she can keep it up and that we can keep it up, too.

Thank you for reading and caring.  She cares about you, too.

Each and every week brings us more hope for Mom.  I was struck, as I sat next to her in church on Sunday how beautiful a mature out of tune voice sounds when it is raising praise to God.  She fans the fingers on her left hand to grasp the back of the pew in front of us.  Slowly, but surely, she lifts herself proudly to join the congregation.   I know that I sound like a broken record.  But, it really IS a miracle.  I am moved each time that I watch how thoughtfully functional she is becoming, again.  She follows the written prayers and most of the words in the hymns.  Except for the occasional moment that she forgets herself and asks me a questions out loud during a sermon that bores her, she is constant and following the  service.

She spent time working on her typing skills writing a note back to Betty Fetrow, who sends messages every now and then.   Mom’s left fingers are gaining more movement and control and her fist isn’t fixed much of the time.

Thank you, dear Lord, for the blessing of another day with Mom.  She has much to do and her purpose is so obvious when I see her with the other residents at Heidi’s Chateau.  She will always be a leader and a positive influence where ever she is.  We’re so happy that we are often where she is…

Happy New Year and all the rest!  Here’s Mom’s Christmas and New Year’s Greeting.  She’ll mail out some.  I just don’t know how soon she’ll get them addressed.  It takes a lot of focus to accomplish.

We went to the Methodist Church in Delta, and Mother was a star.  It’s a wonderful thing when people see the evidence of their prayers being answered.  They were quick to look her in the eye and ask her sincerely how she’s doing.  Being the recipients of their attention was like being wrapped in a warm blanket of love.  She is so blessed.  WE are so blessed.

It’s been a rough 8 months.  But we’re coming out on the other side, remarkably fresh and untouched by the tragedy of it all.  Most of our visit today was built around what it is that God has wanted her to do with the moments of her life now.  She has a good friend who was just struck ill this past week.  I think that if we can figure out a reasonable way for her to have a visitation ministry, visiting people who are not as well off as she is, it will serve HER well, as well as the people she is visiting.  We’ll see if we can’t make that happen.

Jeanne and John Precup met us for lunch at the Sundance for brunch after church, and we had a good visit.

We came back to the house where Stefi and Grandma colored pictures together and ate lemon cake and banana bread that Stefi helped to bake.  Recently when we were saying our nightly prayers, Stefi asked God to help her — help her to know what things would help Grandma to “get better”.  Stefi is a surprisingly strong figure of faith in our family and I’m forever struck by her thoughtful prayers.  Stefi remembers Grandma every time she prayers and is always quick to count her blessings and to find things that she needs God’s help to accomplish.  She hasn’t spent a lot of time with Grandma lately because of Mom’s visit to Peak View and my being ill after Christmas.  It was inspiring to watch them together, today.

I cut Mom’s hair and fixed it pretty and we spent some time smiling in the mirror.  She loves you all and is amazed that you read about her recovery.  Mom wrote a message for her Christmas cards and we’ve attached a picture that we took on Christmas Eve.  You can see what wonderful blessings we’ve been afforded.

You are among those blessings.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for praying.  And thank you for reading.

Happy New Year!! 2010 will be a good one!  No doubt about it!

Craig worked all night on Christmas Eve and so was just getting off at 8:00 before guests arrived at 9:00.  He was napping when Santa came to the door with a tap-tap-tap…Stefi was excited and happy to give Santa a hug and thank him for the presents that he had left earlier.  She was sorry that, once again, Daddy would miss out on seeing Santa and noticed that Santa sounded a lot like Dad, but she didn’t care.  The game was magical and she wasn’t about to spoil it for anyone.  Usually, Santa comes to visit our “Orphan’s Christmas Brunch”  after his trek around the world, just to get his after-delivery chiropractic adjustment and to say, “hello” to all of our guests.  But, THIS year, there were reasons that he couldn’t come later in the day…

Grandma hadn’t made it yet and we were sad that she missed seeing Santa.  But, the day was filled with loving laughter and sappy songs about being “home for Christmas” and the wonderful gift that the birth of Christ really was to all of us…REMEMBER that word “sappy”.  I’ll be writing more on that subject in another blog.

I made caramel french toast, cherry and blueberry pancakes, two breakfast casseroles, a spiral ham, Aunt Ilene’s carmel corn, and biscuit and gravy especially for Mom.  Others brought lots of yummy things, as well…chocolate cake, chocolates, guacamole and more.  We were definitely not left hungry.  If you’re wanting recipes, click on our paste this address into your browser   http://www.drmaryonline.com/recipes.php  or ask for one specifically, if it isn’t there by posting a comment to my page.

Jeanne and John Precup, Jean McKenna, Gene Koonz, Bev and Jerry O’Donnel, Lois Vance among others joined us for an early holiday brunch.  Historically, this holiday family has gradually been comprised of people in our community that I’ve run across over the years who have no local family to celebrate with.   We eat and pray and sing, together, thanking God for the gift of friendship and His family that we all belong to.  Jeanne and John have been part of this holiday celebration for nearly 20 years, now.  Lois is our newest addition and gave us a beautiful old Chinese Madonna and Child print as a Christmas gift.

Craig went on to bed about 10:30, so he could get up and work again Christmas night.  It was a blessing that he could join us, if only for a little while.

It was wonderful that Mother could be home for Christmas and I sang the new song, “Dena” for everyone and everyone cheered.  Jeanne and John’s Christmas letter was read by Niki and Stefi played, “Up on the Housetop”, and “Silent Night” on the piano.

By early afternoon, everyone had scattered back to their own lives and we were left puttering and watching, “All About Steve”, a movie that Nikaila loved and bought for us all to watch on Christmas day.  It was a good laugh with a good message.

God Bless you and your family this Christmas and know that no matter how rough it seems, Jesus his shining his light for us to follow, if we can only muster up the energy to open our eyes…Love you and Merry Christmas!

We’ve been very happy with Mom’s care at Peak View Behavioral Health, the psychiatric Hospital for Seniors in Colorado Springs.  She is off all of the heavy drugs, no more Serequel, no Adivan/Lorazapam, no Zyprexa and no Tamazapam!  Hurray!  Dr. Scola, there, is very conservative and is giving her 200 mg of Trazadone and 600 mg of Neurotin/Gabapantin at bedtime.  She is getting up about 3 to 4 times each night, but goes right back to bed.  There’s no psychosis, no crazy thoughts or fears.  Being able to sleep has squeltched these daunting and haunting things and she’s back to being her loving and grateful self, again!  She is also taking a medication for dementia that is often given to people with head injuries, and the name of the medication escapes me, right now.  If all goes well the next 2 nights, I’ll pick her up on Wednesday, and she’ll be back for Christmas and living at Heidi’s Chateau, again, in Montrose!!!  That’s the best Christmas present, ever!

Here’s a short video of our part of our visit this weekend.  God bless and Merry Christmas!  Love ya, Mary

Mom’s been at Peak View Behavioral Health Hospital, now for 7 nights.  She sounds more clear-minded on the phone and they tell me that she’s sleeping a little better on the new medication they are giving her.  She is more like herself, being grateful and kind, when I talk to her.  She has given me permission not to come over today…But, I had dreams and pangs of need to see her and see for myself that she’s OK.  Her doctor didn’t call yesterday with my requested first visit about her condition and his prognosis.  I had planned to base my decision of going or not, on my conversation with him.  Besides!  I just HAVE to share my new song with her!  I sang it for her on the phone, yesterday morning and she laughed and said that it sounded pretty historically correct!  It’s called —-”Dena”!  Listen and enjoy!